When Should I Respond?

When should you respond to being misgendered? It’s a hard question because it’s different each person. There are times, especially when working in customer service, where I simply let it happen. I have been working on my appearance to feminize myself, but there are days I dress very masculine. This isn’t the only thing that affects me.

I am also a 6' 4" person which makes people assume I’m a man. I chose not to go through voice feminization techniques, so my voice sounds very manly at times. It was a hard decision, but I like my voice. I know I could get less assumptions if I changed it, but I’ve chosen to keep my voice.

I don’t always correct people for fear of being attacked or fear of having to endlessly reassure someone as they over-apologize. pro-tip, if you apologize, only do it once. Apologizing way too many times to one incident makes it about you and puts the onus on me to reassure you. That gets tiring after a while.

The best thing any ally can do is to correct in kindness when people misgender a trans person. It takes the pressure off the trans person, as long as they are out, and it shows you care as an ally.

When should I respond? The answer depends on the context. Sometimes it’s easier than other times.